NukeSilo Community :: Funny sayings/quotes.

Jack 'Snake' Sunderland: // Have you ever heard of a cop that tazers from a car?
Wake Kipper: // But I'm a different cop. I'm cool.

Mead Palmer: Can't we just use our normal gloves?
Dr. Paul Grange: Good idea Palmer. How about I go outside, rub my gloves on everything I see, then make a small incision in you and stick my gloves inside. We'll see how long it takes for your body to develop sepsis.

Maya 'Pedobear' Beller: Don't Taze me Bro!

Officer Maya 'Pedobear' Beller: Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars

Will Nolte: (( wow... 10 seconds as a rookie and my brain hurts... )
Wake Kipper: (( Welcome to the NCPD ))

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. Let the dumb b*tch wash the dishes in the dark.

Author:	Bloodstruck7 [ 18 Oct 2008, 12:25 ]
Post subject:	Funny sayings/quotes.
Post your funny quotes here. I'll start the thread with one that my friend said awhile back. (It's true as well). When I die I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not like the screaming passengers in his car.

Author:	perlov0 [ 18 Oct 2008, 13:15 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Not all chemicals are bad. Water, for example, a vital ingredient of beer

Author:	Ryoma [ 18 Oct 2008, 13:22 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
I like that quote of zdrok wanting to blow Saddam. I'll edit it in when I remember where I saw it at..

Author:	Supernuker [ 18 Oct 2008, 13:25 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
`Beef[a] Quit (G-lined (Roses are red, violets are blue, you're illegally trading steam IDs on my network, so now I gline you)) For those of you who don't know, g-line = global ban from the entire irc network

Author:	perlov0 [ 19 Oct 2008, 07:40 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
This one Ryoma? Blue Destiny: If you could sleep with any person in the world, who would you sleep with? zdrok: uhh zdrok: Osama bin Laden, so I can blow him to hell zdrok: oh s**t zdrok: that came out wrong

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Funny sayings/quotes. https://forums.nukesilo.net/viewtopic.php?f=41&t=6781	Page 1 of 1

Author:	Ryoma [ 19 Oct 2008, 13:16 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Yeah, that one... LOL

Author:	Bloodstruck7 [ 25 Oct 2008, 13:11 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
LOOOOL

Author:	Wake [ 04 Nov 2008, 15:10 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Quote: Jack 'Snake' Sunderland: // Have you ever heard of a cop that tazers from a car? Wake Kipper: // But I'm a different cop. I'm cool. Quote: Mead Palmer: Can't we just use our normal gloves? Dr. Paul Grange: Good idea Palmer. How about I go outside, rub my gloves on everything I see, then make a small incision in you and stick my gloves inside. We'll see how long it takes for your body to develop sepsis. Quote: Maya 'Pedobear' Beller: Don't Taze me Bro! Quote: Officer Maya 'Pedobear' Beller: Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars

Author:	Mikhail Zhukov [ 04 Nov 2008, 21:51 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry standard. There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Author:	Mikhail Zhukov [ 04 Nov 2008, 22:02 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week."

Author:	Maxwell Murder [ 04 Dec 2008, 17:33 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
I wanted to share a little joke I came up with the other night when I was suffering from insomnia. I'm gonna use it in my portion of our school's Last Comic Standing gig coming up next weekend. So why not try it now, right? It goes something like this... In my experience, I've found that going to bars is a lot like playing blackjack: If you're under 21, chances are you won't get anything. If you're 21, you're golden. And if you're over 21, you're gonna get busted because you probably hit on something that was under 18.

Author:	Mikhail Zhukov [ 05 Dec 2008, 14:20 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
i lol'ed

Author:	Cisero K. [ 28 Jan 2009, 13:24 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
What do you call 2 girls in a cabinet? A liquor cabinet. there are three cars with drivers flirting with a passenger in another car as they drive by. The first chick winks at him. He asks the driver, "what do i do what do i do?" he replies, "say hi" The second chick is a redhead who blows a kiss. He asks what do i do, what do i do man? he replied "smile at her" The third chick was a blonde. She flashes him and he goes dude what do i do, what do i do!? He replied, show her your nuts!!!! The passenger nods, turns around, and sticks his thumbs in his ears going loblobloooo!

Author:	Maxwell Murder [ 19 Feb 2009, 16:27 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Six Flags should model a roller coaster after the stock market. It would just go up and down for months on end. And if you didn't like the ride you got the first time, the government would have to pay for you to ride it again. Really, the only bad thing about it is that it would crash fairly often.

Author:	Gregor [ 06 May 2009, 21:11 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
couple i got from my friends. "People said a black person wouldn't be elected president unless pigs flew, 81 days (or so) after Obama's election, swine flu." "A human typically has 206 bones (or sooooo...), but how can a woman give him a 207th...?" And a question: "If there are 1000 d*cks on the wall, how many would you choke on?"

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Author:	Wake [ 15 Mar 2009, 16:31 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Quote: Will Nolte: (( wow... 10 seconds as a rookie and my brain hurts... ) Wake Kipper: (( Welcome to the NCPD ))

Author:	khatool [ 17 Mar 2009, 19:14 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Mikhail Zhukov wrote: There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted. The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00 The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?" Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5. I told this joke to you, and pretty much everyone I know, except the blonde is a Jew. It's alot funnier, because that's a smart thing to do, not a dumb thing to do. I'm Jewish! I can make those kind of jokes!

Author:	VictorSimone [ 25 Mar 2009, 22:31 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. Let the dumb b*tch wash the dishes in the dark.

Author:	Slippy [ 27 Mar 2009, 18:41 ]
Post subject:	Re: Funny sayings/quotes.
VictorSimone wrote: Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. Let the dumb btch wash the dishes in the dark. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Thats f*king hillarious.