Well since the server is down right now, I might as well entertain myself...and make an attempt at entertaining others. /me crosses fingers in hope that there are no other identical threads.
First off, does anybody know of Mitch Hedberg. He had a special on Comedy Central, two CDs, died recently. Here's some of his stuff:
"If you ever find yourself lost in the woods, f**k it, build a house. 'Well I was lost, but now I live here. I have severly improved my predicament."
"My hotel doesn't have a 13th floor because of superstitions, but c'mon man, people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on. 'What room are you in?' '1401.' 'No you're not. Jump out the window; you will die earlier!"
"They say 13 is an unlucky number, well then so should the letter B be because B looks like a scrunched-together 13. 'What's your name?' 'Bob' 'Get the f**k away!"
"I bought tartar-control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that s*it's under control."
"I have so much tartar I don't have to dip my fishsticks in s*it...that's actually kinda gross..."
"I have a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on my hotel room door. I think it's time we go with 'Don't Disturb'. It's been 'Do Not' for too long. 'Do Not' psyches you out. You're reading it and...'Do--alright I get to disturb this guy--Not---shit! I need to read faster!"
I'll have more later if you guys want. Feel free to post your own! Oh and I'm no longer grounded so hooray for us all.
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